What I Don’t Know

It was a mentally foggy morning and I was fortunate to be able to close my eyes and rest while chauffeured to work (meaning I am the passenger, commuting into work with my husband).   In the car, I was in a dreamy state, in-and-out of conversation with myself and God… When He had my full attention (which was only 50% of the time) I was mostly being thankful and asking for peace for a friend.  This is the same friend I mentioned in a recent post.  I went this way for nearly 20 minutes, then as if I was in an out-of-body experience I was tugged back into the waking world as I began to hear the words of a song on the radio.  More than half of the song was over, and I realized I had been gently submitted to subliminal therapy and now as I was “awake” I listened to the remainder of the song while my Therapist held my hand.  Here is what I heard as I came back into consciousness:

“….I’ve been tryin’ to get down, to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter. But I think it’s about…forgiveness. Forgiveness. Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore…”

Who knew God was going to settle my soul today through Don Henley…?   Actually it’s not surprising at all, since music is the BIGGEST thing that grabs my attention almost every time.  My memory bank of chords, lyrics and hidden song meanings is probably the largest sector of my brain, and it spills into everything else in my life.  So of course my Therapist would use this song to mend things in my confussed heart.  And in some way I got the message: “You reached out, you followed through.  You did what your inner voice thought was best.  You were willing to be rejected, let go of hurt; you have moved into forgiveness and love.  That’s all I asked of you.  You are free to move on.”

As for what I don’t know?  I don’t know is how God can work this to good.  How can He use this moment for my friend’s good, because I want good for her in every possible way.  See, when I reached out to this dear friend, my hand was slapped.  I offered the other hand, and it too was slapped.  I’ve been doing the 70 x 7 thing…

See, the history is that her and I both found friendship through common hurt and confussion; kinship bonded friendship.  But along the way, my Therapist began to fix me with mercy, grace and boatloads of love. I didn’t know I was fixable – and yet here I am… nearly fixed.  And as friends should do, I hoped that I could be brave enough to show her how to seek out this awesome Therapist.  Because I wanted her fixed, just like me.  Then we would be kinshiped again, in a better and healthy way.  But it’s not happening how I thought it would go, and so I ask: Who will show her that love heals places we didn’t know were reachable?  I thought that someone would be me; and now I think I’ve been relieved of my post…I’ve been told “solider, at ease – this isn’t your battle.” 

{DING – lightbulb moment} Ahh, my Therapist is right.  Always right.  It isn’t my battle to win.

So, as for what I do know: it amazes me and goes far beyond cosmic coincidence and planets aligning when I keep getting the same message or topic during a specific time period.  You know what I mean right?  It’s when the radio, tv, magazines, internet, books, emails and people are all in cahoots; they’ve all gotten together as a force to make sure you “get the message”.  This is Divine and it gets my attention; I don’t know how my Therapist orchestrates this, but I know it’s an orchestration made just for me.  And of course the timing is perfect; it always is.  And if you haven’t guessed, the messages I’ve been bombarded with is about Forgiveness.  I didn’t know it was a cure to a broken friendshp.  But now I see, it IS the heart of the matter.  And what blows my mind is that I also know I’ve only been shown the tip of the iceberg…there is so much more to learn.

Please enjoy the song that wrapped it all up for me today:  Don Heneley’s song “The Heart of the Matter”

I got the call today that I didn’t wanna hear, but I knew that it would come. An old, true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone, said you’d found someone. And I thought of all the bad luck, and the struggles we went through. And how I lost me and you lost you. What are these voices outside love’s open door, make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more?

I’m learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again. I’ve been tryin’ to get down, to the heart of the matter. But my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter. But I think it’s about…forgiveness. Forgiveness.  Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

Ah…these times are so uncertain, there’s a yearning undefined and people filled with rage. We all need a little tenderness, how can love survive in such a graceless age? Ah…the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness, they’re the very things – we kill I guess… Ohh pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms.  And the work I put between us you know it doesn’t keep me warm

There are people in your life who’ve come and gone. They let you down, you know they hurt your pride. You better put it all behind you baby; cause’ life goes on. If you keep carryin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside, baby.


♥ ~ Sherry Meneley soiledwings.com  sherrymeneley.com  sherry meneley   soiled wings

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2 thoughts on “What I Don’t Know

    • I have another song for you play in your head. It goes like this; Are you down hearted….no no no…….

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