Christmas Songs That Shouldn’t Exist

There are Christmas songs that make me CRINGE every time I hear them.  They are worse than the theme to “It’s a Small World”.  You know, it starts out innocent and catchy at first, but then it drills into your brain and it won’t go away and you begin to curse the song to a terrible fate.

Today I wish to share with you my personal list of Christmas songs that really should have never made it into a recording studio.

Feliz Navidad – a crazy Spanish song that is supposedly singing “Merry Christmas” – but truth be told the translation of the title is “Happy Nativity”.  I’ve got nothing against the nativity or José Feliciano (author/singer) – but this song is getting on my nerves – it always has and always does.  LAST MINUTE UPDATE:  this song was played at the Youth Group Christmas Party (two days ago) to end the night…  I screamed a loud NOOOOOOooooooo…!

Wonderful Christmastime – Brace yourselves cause I’m gonna say it: I HATE this song by Paul McCartney.  I understand “hate” is a strong word, and I’m pretty sure my niece and nephews are forbidden to say this word in context to anything except satan.  But that is how I feel about the song: hate.  The lyrics “We’re simply having a wonderful Christmas time” is sung over and over and I’m telling you that I start to want to break things and go around slugging people in the arm when this song starts up.  Seriously, I might need to consider therapy about my reaction to this song…

Most anything Christmasy by Mariah Carey – I’m sorry and I’m judgmental and I’m lacking grace – BUT this woman needs to stick to her diva hoochy coochy songs and not try to sing about Jesus.  Mariah, sing about Jingle Bells and other things – but back away from MY Jesus…  See how bad I am, it actually repulses me to hear her sing “O Holy Night”.  Now, I’ll be happy give her a second chance with any religious Christmas songs if she has an amazing conversion like Sheila E (think back to the days of Prince… or whatever his name is/was)  or even if Mariah would live a life that is not over-the-top oozing salaciousness.
PS:  Sheila E is just awesome, loved her during the Purple Rain days and now she’s even better as the Little Drummer Chick for Jesus.

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus – if you are not my brother, parents or another family witness, chances are you will not know this song.  But here’s the deal.  Every Christmas in our family there was a kids “Talent Show” and as much as I wanted to avoid this event through my pre-teen years, I now wish this same torture onto my pre-teen niece and nephews – because children talent shows (with a glass or two of wine) is wonderfully entertaining.

During the talent show years: I’d typically recite a poem, read something I wrote, and often offered a second entry to the show by playing the piano (putting Mom/Dad’s investment of so many years of piano lessons to good use).  But one year my mom had a SUPER GREAT idea; that was the year my brother and I sang a duet: Happy Birthday Baby Jesus (from the children’s Christmas album “Sunshine and Snowflakes” – 1973).

I don’t know how many times my brother and I performed this…too many…but I do know it was recorded on cassette tape to last till kingdom come.  I clearly recall us sitting in front of a massive stereo unit, each holding our own dorky microphones, while we practiced and recorded this song.  Oh I just have to laugh now, because back then I really got into doing this recording.  I was going to out-sing my brother, I was a star, and I let my southern twang go into full force (this was my vocal interpretation and special contribution to the obvious country flair of the song). 

And from that moment forward, every year, we re-experienced the “magic” of that recording at family gatherings.  During my teen angst and wild college years, this would cause me dread, anxiety and mortification.  I just needed the moment to get over with and die.  But now I’m older, a little less tightly wound (if you can imagine), and laugh at myself often which has allowed me to move into a more healthy Love/Hate relationship with this song.  I’m even trying to get a CD copy of the recording of my brother and I, but the “re-mastering” session is still in progress – so for now you’ll get to listen to the original 1973 version (personally IMHO my brother’s and my version is rockin’ better).

Well everybody has a birthday, and a cake and a party too,
And all your friends come over, and sing “Happy Birthday” to you.

Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus, even when your birthday’s through,
All year long we’ll remember, each precious gift we get from You.

So we sing, Fa la la la, Fa la la la la, He was born on Christmas Day.
Fa la la la, Fa la la la la, He brings so much joy our way.

When Jesus has a birthday, the whole wide world was there,
And He gives out the presents for all the people to share.

Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus, even when your birthday’s through,
All year long we’ll remember, each precious gift we get from You.

Fa la la la la la la la la la, Fa la, la la. Fa la la la la la la la la la,
Merry Christmas to you. Merry Christmas to you.

So what is your LEAST favorite Christmas song, and why?  And better yet – did you have to do Christmas Talent Shows or was this an awful (wonderful) invention that my mother worked up for ONLY my family? 

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15 thoughts on “Christmas Songs That Shouldn’t Exist

  1. Even though it shows up on one of my all-time fav Christmas covers (James Taylor), “Baby It’s Cold Outside” now has negative, wicked connotations for me. I like the melody, the duet features, all the musical stuff. But a few years ago my kids pointed out the lyrics to me.

    Now we call it the Yuletide Date Rape Song.

  2. Sherry~ Made me laugh and brought back great memories for me! Our extended family had Christmas Eve together every year until I had my children. We too had to “perform” for the family. During those years I thought for sure I would be the next Nancy Sinatra with my white boots singing…”These boots are Made for walking.” Then with our bunch of want-a-be comedians, laughter abounded. Thanks so much for helping me walk down memory lane this morning! ~b

    • White boots – that is TOOO cute – I can almost visualize it (I have a vivid imagination). And I’m so glad I’m not the only one who had to perform. Although I must admit, some years I was totally into it and loved to ham it up.

  3. I really disllike Feliz Navidad too. It sickens me when I find myself humming that tune. Somehow it just gets stuck in my head.

    But I LOVED hearing my two kiddies singing the Happy Birthday song and it was more fun to watch your torture when I would play it…you know, the rolling of the eyes, gaging motions, etc. You guys often threatened to destroy it and for a few years I would hide it during the holidays! The tape went missing these past several years and I decided one of you had succeeded in destroying it but I see you do have it and are re-mastering it. You are a hoot! And now I can quit looking for it. Who knows maybe it will be wrapped up under the tree this year! Love you, Mom

  4. I haven’t heard it but it is available for a free download with a bunch of other songs on Amazon right now … Lady Gaga has a Christmas song, “Christmas Tree.” I didn’t need to hear it to know I didn’t want it. The second I saw that she had made a Christmas song I posted on twitter “Lady Gaga has a Christmas Album?! What circle of hell was that forged in?” Later I read reviews to confirm what I initially judged. It is wrong to judge without after all. Apparently she somehow compared a Christmas tree to her lady parts?

    • Truth be told – I downloaded it for free on Amazon… I just had to know what all the fuss was about. That song was downright nasty. I laughed, and then deleted. Afterall, like you said, I should know what I’m judging someone about…

    • LOL – I’d have to agree with you about 50%. While the song makes me get teary – it also has a HUGE cheese factor to it! But I have many friends say they love the song. Funny, though – I just realized, I do not know any guys that dig it.

  5. OK, It’s my turn. HATE can only be given to those stupid chipmunks and especially Alvin singing Christmas music. My first name is Alvin and I had to permanently change to my my middle name. When Christmas season would come around, that Alvin thing would start all over again. Example: I am at the cash register and the discussion would go like this. Cash or credit sir? Credit. OH! I see your name is Alvin, are you one of the Christmas chipmunks? NO! NO! I am not a chipmunk!@#$@%, do I sound like one? Well aaaah sort of like one sir. EEEEEEKs, give me back my credit card please! I am not Alvin and I don’t know any chipmunks. Have a Merry Christmas ALVIN. What ever.

  6. That’s too funny! Alvin and the Chipmunks is practically my favorite Christmas song…..But this is supposed to be about Christmas we hate……OK, mine is one about “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus” not really sure if that’s the title, but I really do hate it. I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have to say about that?

  7. Great comments – very fun! We too, used to record songs on a tape recorder in front of my parents huge stereo. And it was a big bummer when someone knocked on the front door and it got recorded on the tape! Now our kids/nieces & nephews make a video movie every Thanksgiving for our entertainment – costumes, props and all. They’ll be classics for years.
    Ok, too weird, I am sitting at my desk at work and the gal in the office next to me just started singing Feliz Navidad – UUGGHH! But I must admit Alvin and the Chipmunks bring back lots of fun childhood memories and my daughter says my grandson smiles everytime she plays the song!!
    Thanks for the fun stuff!

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