As you move along in your Christian walk, there are words you are expected to use… and some that you are to remove all together.
The obvious words to be removed are the very ones used by the “sailors.” Preface: “I’m sorry” to all the sailors, I’m certain not all of you have a “sailors mouth.” At-any-rate, the words to omit are the a-word,
Did I get them all? Please don’t sit there and think it through,
… seriously, stop.
I have done a pretty good job of omitting the obvious above (except when I’m almost hit by a car – then oddly the s-word finds its way straight out of my mouth without hesitation—I have no idea how this happens, which is why I can’t offer my pastor a ride anywhere).
Now let me move into the gray-matter. There are the less obvious words that some Christian friends have suggested I drop… yet I haven’t. I don’t use them much, but occasionally they show up when I need a BIG expressive word. Ready for them?
Crap, shoot, sucks, dang. These are part of my language.
In most cases I can’t figure out what is REALLY wrong with them. In-fact I take more offense to a nice Christian mom saying “oh cheese and whiskers” as opposed to saying “oh crap!” Truth of the matter is that both of us are replacing some less savory explicative for something more acceptable. And it’s true that cheese is good, and whiskers on kittens are one of my favorite things… but still I choose a more stinky word. I’m sorry.
But let’s move along to the more odd and strange.
The words Christians are SUPPOSED to use. It’s an odd twist of Christianese.
For example, I’m learning that the word “pray” should replace the words hope, wish, etc… I was first clued into this when I read the end of a casual email, “I pray your weekend is wonderful.” Gosh (opps, is that okay to use) did you really just pray for my weekend. I mean that’s totally fantastic because even I forgot to pray for my weekend. I remember to pray for my friends, my ministry, my hubs, but my weekend… I’m really glad someone was looking out for me!
But honestly, didn’t they really mean “hope your weekend is wonderful”… but as a super-Christian it’s better to use the word pray. So this person didn’t REALLY pray, rather they just wanted to “wish” me a good weekend.
But come to think of it, I suppose Christians can’t wish either. You can’t wish to God, can you? Well, this changes everything! This now means you can’t sing along with Jiminy Cricket (another alternative curse word) as he croons “when you wish upon a star…” Instead you are to pray upon a star, and I’m thinking that God doesn’t even find that acceptable. In fact it sounds a little astrological fortune-telling to me—and we all know where God stands on that stuff. And birthdays are just a mess! No more making a wish before blowing out the candles. Maybe we should have a silent prayer moment in its place?
Oh this Christian language is getting hard. I wish it was easier. Opps.
In fact I should “pray” us all good luck in getting it right. But wait, Christians don’t believe in luck! It took my niece at the tender age of seven to admonish me for using the work luck. See, we believers believe in blessings and providence. So while we can appropriately swap out luck for blessing with the phrase, “finding that $20 bill on the ground was sheer blessing (luck)”, it’s a little harder to say “good blessing (luck) with getting out of the speeding ticket!” Or maybe we should say, “I pray you get out of that speeding ticket.” (again probably not praying, and just what do you think God thinks of us praying for “getting out of a speeding ticket”? …I digress before I get too far gone)
And speaking of blessing…at the dinner table, my dad always prayed, “God bless this food to our bodies’s strength.” And to this day that prayer spins my head…asking God to bless the food. Because that animal or live plant is long gone—blessing it now seems silly. Should have blessed it before.
And really the list just goes on and on. It’s way too hard. So forgive me when I wish you luck. Because honestly I do and my heart means it—and if being a Christian concentrates on matters-of-the-heart, then isn’t my hope and wish of luck like a prayer?
Dang, I’ll never get it all together.