But this week the number I write on forms, and answer when people ask (because EVERYONE thinks I’m at least 5 if not 10 years younger than I look) changes.
Yup I’m a new number this week. And it’s great. Especially because for a whole year (2012) I thought I was a year older than I am. I have no idea how that happened. BUT I think it’s awesome. Because it’s now my official do-over year.
Yup. My do-over.
During my last year of life (okay the last three…or twenty…if I’m being really honest) I had to let go of a lot of ideas I had. Ideas that I thought were right. Rules I thought had to be kept. People I counted safe—or should be friends with. Things, types of security that made me think this was normal and how life should be. Roles I played. It numbed “not okay” to being “okay.”
(and it wasn’t okay)
In the letting go, I’ve hurt and learned much. Yet I wouldn’t change one thing. Because the older I get, the less regret I feel. Simply because everything has a big giant lesson inside of it. The minutia and the merde is gift wrapped. This is how I choose to live.
And it IS a choice. Living in the mode of learning. Living in mode of grace. Letting go of judgment and stuff that is a burden I was never meant to carry. Even though I say I’ve been a Christian since I was 4, and this is true via a little fire insurance prayer, it wasn’t till MUCH later that I began to believe and follow a yolk that is easy and a burden that is light. Nearly feather light.
Oh and as for rules I used to keep—the one’s I’m continually learning to let go—one was that I thought it better to keep everything secret—let no one in on the inside job of me. But I’ve learned the more transparent I am, the better. And not because I’m an expositionist—far from it. Rather I know the more I let others see me, the more we’re the same. Have commonalities. Someone has to be brave and go first. I’ve been a lot braver in my 40s than in my whole life. And I just keep getting braver.
Here are 25 things—about the girl in the beginning stages of her do-over year – that I choose to be brave and show.
- I thought I was the age I’m turning this week—all of last year.
- I adore Hello Kitty things.
- I got baptized by the wrong pastor. (but it still counts, right?) 😉
- I don’t wash my car. It’s not that I don’t care about it…but there are more important things.
- I was in a serious car accident when I was sixteen years old. I was not driving. But I told everyone I was because I was afraid I’d lose my license. I was stupid about that.
- I love travel sized stuff and samples.
- I will always have anti-bacterial something (wipes, gel, etc..) on hand. Okay some of you know this, but that’s only because I trusted you to know I’m that way.
- I am a hand lotion snob. And I still love “Rose Milk.”
- I can quote the movie Xanadu from start to finish.
- I am a lyrics savant.
- I ate the tops of matches (as a child) and a flare stick I found in the glove box. I’ve determined that’s why I run hot.
- I am an introvert who can act like an extrovert when needed. I’ve dubbed myself the glittery introvert. I even got the domain name. See glitteryintrovert.com
- Yes I wear glitter. But few know it’s a ritual. It’s a prayer. I don’t take glitter wearing lightly.
- Eddie Izzard is my FAVORITE comedian. Witty-intelligent, dark humor, black humor, call it what you will—my sense of humor is very twisted and I enjoy movies and people who have it.
- I miss Hostess Chocolate Gems. Sometimes they were ‘my rescue’ when the world spun outta control.
- I am a HORRIBLE speller.
- The first record my parents gave me was 2 Chapter of Acts—the hippy charismatic musical group from the 70s/80s. I still love and listen to this group.
- At grandpa’s viewing, I waited till everyone wasn’t looking so I could touch his face. It was the oddest thing I’ve ever touched. Ever.
- When I worked at a hospital, I got the newly dead people ready for the family to see before the coroner arrived. It never scared me. In fact it felt like an honor and I usually would cry up until the family arrived—then I acted strong.
- Big dogs (I don’t know) scare me. I’ve been attacked by German Shepherds.
- I hate do not like summer. Not at all.
- Storms, BIG storms, make me happy, inside and out.
- I never had my tonsils taken out—but they’ve disappeared.
- I hate cauliflower. I will never ever try it again. I’m old enough, earned the right, to say no.
- I can do anything through Yeshua, who has my back and makes me awesomer. (phil 4:13)
So your turn…dare to share a secret, right here, with me? 😉